If a woman is interested in a man, she needs to make sure the man knows she is interested in him. A man needs to know, without a doubt, that the woman he is interested in, is just as interested in him. If a man is not certain a woman is interested in him, he'll find a woman who easily and readily expresses her interest in him. A man is not going to go down a one way street; if he feels he is the only person putting any energy into the two of them, the man is going to opt out and find a woman who is going to put at least some energy into being friends and moving things forward.
A woman doesn't have to bend over backward to please the man or cater to his interests at the expense of her own interests or her own limitations. She doesn't need to and she should not go overboard. Any such action presents the risk of driving him away. But she should be calling him two to three times a week, she should be emailing him two to three times a week and she should be texting him three to four or five times a week. A man should be doing the same for the woman he is interested in.
Please understand that these recommendations are not for two people in a committed relationship or for two people who are in love with each other. The recommendations presented here are measures to get to know each other better. By interacting with each other and spending some time with each other, a reasoned and intelligent decision can be made as to whether there is enough "there" to move forward to a relationship. This is not "relationship" material, this is "pre-relationship" material.
Both the man and woman should be planning events together; they should be planning to spend time with each other - person to person, face to face - at least twice a week. There is a saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Although not all women know how to cook, this aphorism remains valid for those women who do know how to cook. Invite him over for a home cooked meal once in a while, he will really appreciate it.
A woman can express her interest in a man by inviting him over for a quiet movie night at home or by inviting herself over for a quiet movie night at his home. She can identify the interests, hobbies and pastimes he likes and then find those kinds of activities in the area and buy tickets for the both of them to attend. She can suggest a night at a movie or a dinner at a nice, upscale restaurant or at a more comfortable restaurant such as Red Robin, Applebee's, Chili's, Red Lobster or Outback Steakhouse. A woman expresses her interest in a man by doing things for him such as buying a small tool, keychain or sorts item she thinks he would like or that he has stated he needs or would like. Almost every man would appreciate receiving a utility type jackknife that includes a file, screwdriver, cutting edge, pliers, scissors and other utensils built in.
A woman who expresses interest in a man by suggesting bowling trips, a night of karaoke, a hike, climbing a rock climbing wall, a walk in the park or along a beach or boardwalk will make a big impression on a man. If she suggests several interests she obviously enjoys - perhaps an art gallery opening, a day at an art museum or a wine tasting, attending a play or opera or a performance of a Cirque du Soleil troupe, the man will get the hint, to invite the woman the next time such an event comes to town.
A woman can further ensure that a man notices she is interested in him by buying him a card, yes, a paper card delivered by snail mail or in person. It doesn't need to be for any special occasion like a birthday or holiday. Just find something you think he might get a kick out of or that he might appreciate, write in a few words and then get it to him.
Some men may like to receive a gift of a shirt or tie, but others may take offense at such a gift, feeling that you are trying to "fix" them. However, a t-shirt or sports jersey is almost always never wrong. What kind of movies does he like? Get him a DVD or movie download. What kind of music does he like? Buy him a DVD or music download. Does he like to read? Buy him a book or get him a bookstore gift card.
How often should a woman show her interest to a man? The emails, texts and conversations should be happening two or three times a week. You should also be seeing each other, person to person, face to face at least twice a week. For casual encounters such as bowling, dancing, karaoke, movie nights or a restaurant date, these could be scheduled every two, three or four weeks. But if you already have an event or outing in which you both participate on a weekly or other regular basis, do not change it, continue with the schedule as it has been. For more upscale events such as an art gallery opening, play or opera, Cirque du Soleil, wine tasting or special sports event, you may wish to schedule these no more than once every two to three months.
All this is not intended for a committed relationship or for two people in love. This is just a way for two people to learn more about each other while keeping each other's interests levels high. If a man does not feel the woman he is interested in is equally interested in him, he will drop her and find a woman who does express interest in him.
Perry Jones is a successful author and urban philosopher.
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